My last post was September 2011. Wow. It's like a little more than a year later. Hmm... So where have I been? A lot has happened, of cos. Still, I have not yet completed any of my room projects. Sad. So where do I begin? 1 year flew by and even though I went to couple of trips so far this year, I still somehow don't feel like I've accomplished much. You know... that tugging feeling inside, that burns you up so much and you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs and just let it all out...

I've been doing a lot of deep thinking of late and today I simply stop  - I stopped thinking, stopped doing anything and just lay on my bed and was in a complete blank state of mind. At that moment, I can feel my whole body just collapsing and I felt nothing.

Later I remember woking up and was still in slumber and I felt horrible - my whole body aching and I felt so sick and my body reacted to the stress with me having painful stomach ache, migraine and whatever that's related to pain. I can't take this anymore. I can't. It's not just the pain, the emotional burn out is just too overwhelming.

For the past weeks I was feeling very disappointed with myself. For once I saw myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw. I know I've been gaining a lot of weight for the past years but this time it's simply too much. I'm beginning to find it difficult not only to go up ONE flight of stairs, it's also an agony to get up in the morning and walk to the bathroom. I literally have to roll out of bed and drag myself to the bathroom! It's getting harder and harder each day. By the time I get home from work, I'm so exhausted and drained.

The visits to the doc is not a joy either because I'll be constantly reminded of how serious my current health problems are and instead of feeling motivated to change my lifestyle, I'll get even more depressed.

At the same time, I tell myself that I have to be positive and I will find a solution. Believe me it wasn't easy at all. Especially with me, my positivity level can reach to a maximum high and extreme low. Still, I keep telling myself, if I have been able to come this far then I MUST PERSEVERE!

All these highs and lows emotions coming from me, the Universe is still being very kind with me because I keep "seeing" and "chancing upon" words of encouragement, stories and that's what kept me going.

I must say today is one such blessed day for me. Even though I was sick and was at my lowest low, something in me kept tugging at me and telling me to get up... get up! Then I saw this photo on FB and that photo has a link. One thing lead to another and I spent the whole afternoon reading up and doing my own lil' research and I tell myself YES! This is it!

For so long I've been telling myself that I want to be healthy, healthy, healthy! I firmly believe it has to start with ME and then all else will follow through.  Now, as in RIGHT NOW, I have made this decision to start CLEAN EATING. I do believe that this will really help me on track with my health and will totally change me to be a better, more productive, happy ME! GO ME!!! YEAH!!!

All the best to me and will update my progress for sure!

xLOVEx

PS: Is this a sign or what?! I just saw the "Thought of the day by Ralph Marston" for today. It said: Achievement is yours to do. So choose today to get it done. Do what you must do until the goal is achieved.